Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Mommy Confession

New moms of the internet, I'm going to admit something that may make me sound ill-equipped for motherhood.

If I was a celebrity the media would plaster unflattering pictures of me all over the tabloids with some inflammatory headline setting all of America against me (see below), because of what I'm about to say.

Who is giving these grades?

I did not fall in love with my baby the first second I saw her.

I didn't cry.

I didn't feel enraptured.

I actually thought, "She's kind of ugly."

She's not too sure of me either.

I wasn't depressed, just ambivalent.

It took me a day or two to feel the "glowiness" everyone told me I would feel instantly.

Don't worry. Now I'm certain I have the most beautiful, hilarious, intelligent little five month old that ever existed, and I will TAKE OUT anyone who says differently.

Awww. And yes, we're totally ripping off Copy Cat Chic's weekly photo project.

I've always loved my daughter, I just didn't fall IN LOVE with her until she and I had a chance to know each other a little better.

And I don't think my experience is odd or uncommon.

It's really hard to find statistics on this kind of thing, so I can't say with certainty that there are tons of other women like me. I beat myself up a lot in the first day or so after she was born because I thought there was something wrong with me for not reacting to my daughter the way the baby books, TV shows, and movies all depicted new mothers reacting. You know, with flowing tears, and exclamations of wonder and joy.

I tried to hide my lack of emotion from everyone around me, but I'm sharing now because I want to help other new moms experiencing this to not feel guilty or unnerved by lack of feeling.  It's okay to slowly establish an attachment with your newborn.

Yes, you had nine months, but the baby you imagined in utero and the baby who is laying beside you may just take a little while to converge into the same baby.

It's okay.
You are not a bad mother.

You'll love that little baby to pieces soon enough.

Cut yourself some slack, and know that all newborns are ugly, alien-looking creatures at first. 

But they'll eventually turn into the delicious cuddle bugs you were put on this earth to treasure and brag about to anyone who will listen.

This is my gorgeous baby girl.

Isn't she spectacular?


Anonymous said...

THANK YOU for having the guts to say the things mommies aren't "supposed" to say and not perpetuating false expectations for non-mommies like me. You rock! And yes, she's spectacular! :)

Jayme said...

Thank you for reading! I was so nervous posting this, and your comment fills me with relief. :)